Divorce as a major societal issue
There are many vital institutions in our societies. One of the most important institutions in life is marriage. This is because almost everyone in the world dreams of having a wife, or husband for that matter at one time in their lifetime (Michael, 2011). Many people in the world also dream of bearing children with a life partner they would live with till death. This might not be the case as people find themselves breaking the vows of staying with their partners till death do them part. This means that they end up divorcing. When a divorce occurs, there are so many people who are affected when a divorce happens. Therefore, this case study investigates how divorce affects two spouses who decide to go ahead and end their marriage, their children, their friends, family and the whole community at large. In definition, a divorce can be defined as the canceling, termination or reorganization of the responsibilities, and the duties that comes with a marriage. This leads to the dissolution of a matrimonial bond between two married individuals under the rules of a state or a particular country.
When people get into a marriage, they bring together people of diverse backgrounds. It brings together people of different families and diversities, into a union of commitment to bearing of children, and understanding between their different in- laws. A marriage forms a new family bringing diverse people together. Family can be defined as mother, father, their children and the people they relate with in co residence, consanguinity, or affinity. When a divorce occurs, all of these people stand to lose since they all shared a bond, or they were connected by the union of marriage (MacGregor, 2004). There are many psychological effects that accompany a divorce. This is to both the spouses, and also the children. Children also tend to show different psychological problems. Boys usually have a hard time dealing with any social and academic issue more than girls. As a result, everything they do showcases external symptoms that are expressed in frustration, anger and hurt (Temlock, 2006). Therefore, most of the times they find themselves in fights with their peers and parents, and they are always in trouble in school. Girls also show different psychological effects although theirs are more concealed internally. However, they develop symptoms of depression and stomach aches, mostly accompanied by headaches (Rogers & Judkis, 1996). Additionally, they also inhibit unusual changes in their sleeping and eating patterns. Almost all these changes are brought by psychological effects of divorce.
Divorce is an intricate event whose analysis can take various dimensions. For instance, sociological research tends to focus largely on the structural and matrimonial course predictors of divorce and marriage interruption, such as age at first marriage, race, and social status. On the other hand, psychological research focuses on various aspects of marital relations, such as conflict resolution, or on personality traits, such as antisocial conduct or unremitting (chronic) negative effects. One drawback of these methods is that they do not take into account the individual’s insight regarding why the divorce came about. Indeed, when detailing what caused them to divorce, couples seem to give somewhat little weight to the extensively studied causes, such as conflict resolution skills and their age at marriage.
Infidelity or “drifting apart” is usually cited as the cause of their divorce. Others may occasionally claim to have fallen out of love. However, they offer little or no explanations as to why they cheat, drift apart, or fall out of love. The main question here is why people go from being in happy marriages to being divorced. Evidently, something occurs between the two points that has little connection with infidelity, drifting apart, of falling out of love. The causes of divorce appear to be the two individuals who are engaged in the matrimony. The first major cause of divorce is laziness (Amos, Green & Hampton, 2002). Some couples are lazy and do not want to put effort towards their marriages. There is a mistaken idea that married couples are supposed to live in marital bliss. Marriage is considered as a different entity, something that is external to the parties in the matrimony, and which will endure and flourish with little effort from the couples.
While women organize lavish weddings and enter into matrimony oblivious of what marriage is all about, men find a companion to care for, admire, and toil hard to sustain. They later find themselves married to someone with insatiable appetite for lavish things. When both parties become disenchanted with their marriages, they do not look within themselves for the causes of their problems (Wilson, 2009). Instead, they attempt to define the problem as external to themselves, and start looking for outside solutions. Blame appears to be a path that offers the least resistance. As is often the case, it is easier to point fingers at one’s spouse, or to blame the marriage than it is to accept responsibility for the woes in their marriage. Couples are lazy to learn healthier relationship skills and apply the needed effort into their marriages. The fact is that marriage requires hard work and commitment, and in the absence of these, the marriage might be headed towards a divorce (Michael, 2011).
Another major cause of divorce is poor communication skills. Simply put, sometimes partners do not know how to communicate with one another (House & Laney, 1990). Communication is important for any relationship to flourish, and the art of listening is very critical in this process. On certain occasions, spouses may desire to avoid certain conversations with their partners for fear that it might cause them emotional distress. The easiest way for partners to gain trust in each other is by having a sincere and candid conversation (MacGregor, 2004). Couples have to make healthy communication a routine if their marriage is to succeed. High expectations when going into a marriage has been proven to lead to divorce. Expectations and indolence sometimes go hand in hand, especially when predicting the likelihood of a marriage ending up in a divorce. When a woman settles for extravagant wedding gowns and throws lavish bridal showers, it is also possible that she has elevated expectations with respect to the marriage.
Both parties usually make many assumptions with regard to matrimonial life. They assume marriage to be an easy affair. These assumptions are informed by several variables, and trouble begins when the marriage does not live to its expectations (Rogers & Judkis, 1996). Such expectations in marriage rarely conform to life realities. For example, the society teaches women that men are engineered to want sex and that if a woman marries a man, she can always expect the man to want sex from her. All men are alike, and when the husband fails to sexually desire the woman as she had expected, problems may arise that may lead to divorce (Wilson, 2009). In most cases, divorce is never about unhappiness or unfaithfulness. However, it can be avoided if the spouses put more effort in their marriages unconditionally.
Effective communication is also very important in maintaining a healthy marriage, since it helps in managing expectations (Temlock, 2006). In most occasions, infidelity is as a result tribulations in the relationship, which could have been solved had there been realistic expectations and proper communication between the couples. Some people may claim that they fell out of love or that they grew apart. Nonetheless, marriages must be cherished, failure to which the marriage may encounter problems.
References
Amos, J., Green, G., & Hampton, A. (2002). Divorce. Milwaukee, WI: Gareth Stevens Pub.
House, H. W., & Laney, J. C. (1990). Divorce and remarriage: Four Christian views. Downers Grove, Ill: InterVarsity Press.
MacGregor, C. (2004). The divorce helpbook for teens. Atascadero, Calif: Impact Publishers.
Michael, S. (April 14, 2011). Divorce.
Rogers, F., & Judkis, J. (1996). Divorce. New York: G.P. Putnam’s.
Temlock, M. (2006). Your child’s divorce: What to expect? what you can do. Atascadero, Calif: Impact Publishers.
Wilson, M. (2009). Divorce. Detroit: Greenhaven Press.
